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NEWS THAT DIDN'T FIT
Here are some news stories that you didn't read in the newspaper, due to government censorship, editorial discretion, or because the event never happened
TUPPERWARE PARTY CHOOSES PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE
NO WORD YET FROM MIMES LOST ON MOUNT McKINLEY
AMISH CRIME FAMILY PLOTS POWER-PLANT BOMBING -- THEN GOES TO A MOVIE
POCKET PROTECTORS SPARK CLASS-ACTION SUIT BY ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS
SHAQ TAKES ON IRAQ
ORGANS AS COLLATERAL FOR STUDENT LOANS? REPUBLICANS DIVIDED
MOUNT RUSHMORE ERUPTS -- LAVA FLOWS FROM LINCOLN'S NOSE
GYRO GEARLOOSE FOUND DEAD AT 79 -- VINYL POCKET PROTECTOR IN CUSTODY
STEPHEN HAWKING FALLS FROM WHEELCHAIR WITH BIG BANG
DR KEVORKIAN FILMS EXERCISE VIDEO FOR GERIATRIC HEART PATIENTS
SNOWBOUND VEGANS CANNIBALIZE A COWBOY
STURGEON-GENERAL ISSUES HEALTH WARNING ABOUT CAVIAR
ROLLERBLADE BASKETBALL APPROVED BY NCAA
POPE JOHN PAUL REVEALS SECRET MARRIAGE TO MRS. PAUL
LIBYAN DOLLS AT "IT'S A SMALL WORLD" HIJACK BOAT FULL OF JAPANESE TOURISTS
SHOPPING MALL SANTA WAVES TO KIDS WHILE HE EXITS HELICOPTER
SADAM HUSSEIN DRIVES KURDS OUT OF IRAQ -- WHEY ALLOWED TO STAY
LEPERS MARCH ON WASHINGTON -- BUREAUCRATS FLEE IN TERROR
