RESTAURANT and DAY-CARE CENTER
| RESTAURANT and DAY-CARE CENTER |
Dr Speedbump's
"MODEST PROPOSALS"
In the spirit of Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal"*, Dr Speedbump presents solutions to the dilemmas of our society. He invites you to comment in the Guestbook -- but be sure to read the last line of "Politics". Suggestions of other problems to solve are most welcome.
GUNS IN SCHOOL
Every school district shall have a charter school that is available only to children whose parents have no guns in the house. In the other schools of the district, guns shall be mandatory (like part of the dress code). Then let the parents choose which school their children will attend.
RIGHT TO LIFE vs RIGHT TO CHOOSE
Re: Late-Term Abortions -- It shall be permissible to terminate a pregnancy anytime before the child's seventh birthday. At that age, this overgrown fetus is able to fend for itself, and thus may be considered a "person".
WELFARE & INFLATION
Anyone who earns more than \\$200K in a year shall be assigned to live for one month with someone who earned less than \\$10K. They will either (1) develop a bond and help support the needy person in future years or (2) make sure they earn less than \\$200K the following year (perhaps by increasing employees' salaries or by lowering the cost of goods or services).
TRAFFIC and AIR POLLUTION
Employees shall be required to work an extra 10 minutes without pay for every mile (beyond 5) that they drive to work. To encourage car-pooling, the overtime may be divided among the occupants of each vehicle.
SMOKING and HEALTH
Teenagers obviously do not fear lung cancer or heart disease. Thus, the Surgeon General's warning shall state that smoking causes genital itching. There is no need to solve the health problem of adults smoking. It will be solved by attrition.